Making a Mountain out of a Molehill

Do you ever wonder where popular sayings come from? From Wikipedia, the saying, "To make a mountain out of a molehill" is an English idiom which means to make a big deal out of a minor issue. Hmmphf. The person who came up with that either never actually tried to get rid of a mole, or they knew the cosmic secret that has so far eluded us.

Moles are no minor issue, unless you consider their size which seems an advantage when you are trying to find the one tiny mole responsible for all the destruction. It is not an easy proposition getting rid of these critters. It seems that everyone and their brother (and their cousin) has a special method of mole extraction, but the problem is that none of them so far have worked for us.

Here is what we have tried: stomping down the tunnels, which is kind of fun but they just make new ones. Letting the dogs after them; not a good idea, unless you like your yard looking like a million Claymore mines were detonated all over. Then we tried gopher gas-- this one we're not sure if it works, but it was the most fun. After all, it looks like a stick of dynamite, what's not to like about that? It makes you feel like you're doing something constructive, and it is entertaining to watch the smoke trickle up out of the connected tunnels.

We have tried spreading around the mole repellent, designed to be safe to use around kids and pets, which is great but it also seems to be a little safe for the mole as well. The traps? nada. They are too complicated and if they aren't set right the mole doesn't get caught. We tried flushing them out with the garden hose but we only got waterlogged. Then we added laundry soap which is supposed to kill their food source, at least that's what we are told. I hope it doesn't kill all my plants in the process. This one probably takes a while before you see results, and we want them gone NOW. Then again, we could always just be done with it and dig up the whole entire yard to find the little bugger but then we would have a whole new set of problems!

It has become quite clear to me in this complicated process why the gardener in CaddyShack went a little postal. Don't they say that art imitates real life? Come to think of it, my husband did look a little bit like that gardener this weekend.

Just for fun, I Googled "getting rid of moles" and found some more ideas. Although I do hope the person who posted about putting broken glass down the hole was kidding. I think they were. One person suggested burying a transistor radio set on a heavy metal or rap station. I think he was kidding, too. Or not.

Now about the only thing left besides calling out the exterminator is to try the sonic wands which are supposed to make a high frequency noise that drives them crazy. That would be fair, since they've already done that to us.